🔗 Share this article

The current period marks a ten-year milestone since the word “ghosting” entered the public consciousness. At the time, the notion that someone could suddenly stop contact with a lover without any notice seemed like the peak of indignity. How naive we were. In the 10 years since, navigating toward a mate has only become more confounding – an commonly pointless exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly shaped by social media lingo.

Zoomers, a cohort who came of age during a loneliness epidemic, a masculinity crisis, and a widespread challenge on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a far messier terrain than their millennial predecessors could ever envision. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown longer and more bizarre, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” straining the limits of your mental fortitude.

What follows is a detailed glossary to the phrases Zoomers is using to navigate love, intimacy and the quest of both. To channel one of the recent most enduring online sayings, by the end of this glossary you’ll yearn to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

---

A

Authenticity – In the view of Zoomers, dating’s ideal is presenting as your true, raw self. Good luck with that!

B

Feathered friend test – A social media test connected to a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your date's response is inquisitive or dismissive. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s response to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while exuding enigma and independence. (She might still have that fringe.)

C

Support test – This refers to going for someone who aids you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a chair for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A outing where two people form a link while doing chores, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how broke twentysomethings do affordable dating in a inflation-era world.

Melting down – Melting down when you feel burdened by life. You can spiral over a infatuation or breakup, spilling all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a marker of 1980s yuppie excess, it refers to pairs who opt out of having children to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Open communication – The opposite of acting aloof: utilizing communication, transparency and openness.

The Letter F

Indicators

• Danger signals – Behavioral quirks signaling a prospective partner is not right. Such as calling their former partners unstable, poor tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks affirm your decision to pursue a partner. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, low screen time, owning a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe niche, mostly inoffensive idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an keen ornithologist, still carrying around a pen in their bag, paying the rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you meet someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the WWII or physical media hoarding or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who loathes the same stuff or people that you do (nothing creates intimacy faster than having a common enemy).

G

Geese – A musical group many young men likes.

Zombie-ing – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of disappearing.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and devoted. The uncommon boyfriend who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Gooners – A primarily online community of men so preoccupied with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, purposefully delaying climax so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Heterofatalism – A trend describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An stereotype championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no goals of her own other than pleasing her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Random and often mundane turnoffs that instantly shut down any sense of desire.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an incredibly sweet display.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal partner: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in fields they see as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, educators or therapists.

K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that kissing has existed for 16 million years. But the era of kissing may be limited since some Zoomers prefer fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy believable.

Kittenfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {