These Phrases from A Father Which Saved Us when I became a First-Time Father

"I think I was just trying to survive for twelve months."

Ex- Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey expected to manage the difficulties of being a father.

But the truth quickly proved to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Severe health issues during the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into acting as her primary caregiver as well as caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I took on every night time, each diaper… every stroll. The job of both parents," Ryan explained.

Following 11 months he reached burnout. That was when a chat with his parent, on a public seat, that helped him see he needed help.

The simple statement "You are not in a good place. You require support. What can I do to support you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His experience is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. Although people is now better used to addressing the strain on mothers and about PND, far less attention is paid about the challenges fathers face.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his difficulties are part of a larger reluctance to communicate between men, who continue to hold onto damaging perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and stays upright with each wave."

"It is not a show of weakness to seek help. I failed to do that soon enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, says men often don't want to admit they're struggling.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - especially ahead of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental well-being is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the chance to take a pause - taking a short trip abroad, separate from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he required a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions in addition to the day-to-day duties of caring for a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she needed" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has transformed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of feelings and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen was without stable male guidance. Even with having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences caused his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions resulted in him make "terrible actions" when he was younger to modify how he felt, turning in drink and drugs as escapism from the pain.

"You turn to substances that aren't helpful," he says. "They might short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Getting By as a New Father

• Share with someone - if you're feeling swamped, confide in a friend, your spouse or a counsellor about your state of mind. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the things that made you feel like the person you were before having a baby. This might be exercising, socialising or playing video games.
• Look after the physical stuff - eating well, staying active and when you can, getting some sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is coping.
• Spend time with other new dads - hearing about their journeys, the challenges, and also the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help does not mean you've failed - prioritising your own well-being is the optimal method you can care for your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead give the stability and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - processing the emotions in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men because they acknowledged their issues, transformed how they communicate, and learned to control themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I said, at times I feel like my purpose is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning just as much as you are on this path."